ST. LUKE’S - At about 4:36 PM on Thursday, a student in Rachel Slater’s Lit Hum class savagely “reinforced patriarchal norms” with a privilege-ridden contribution to the class discussion of the Iliad. Slater, CC ’20, immediately knew something was wrong. Her skin began to itch. Her throat tightened. She was overwhelmed by dizziness. Slater barely had time to remind her classmate that he is an “entitled sexist” before she slipped out of consciousness.
Rushed to St. Luke’s, Slater pulled through the night. Doctors found a dangerous level of chauvinism in her system, forcing them to pump her stomach.
Slater spent the night in the intensive care ward, recovering from the near-fatal academic accident. Finally strong enough to return to classes, she told the Federalist that she would take precautions to safeguard her health in the future: “From now on, I’ll have to sleep through every Lit Hum class."
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“If this is what it takes to mend the racial scars of American society, it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make,” said Greenwood.
“Exposing Westchester’s kids to this kind of disease is nothing short of morally repugnant,” said local activist group FreeEdu. “If you want to do justice to teaching America’s colonial past, you should be giving them smallpox instead.”
He’s also eyeing a presidential run.
“At current rates, we can expect it to reach the other side of the street no later than May 2018.”
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