Inspired by backup quarterback Colin Kaepernick’s protest against discriminatory policing, Columbia backup quarterback Anders Hongcastner CC ‘17 plans to kneel during Saturday’s game to protest a different cause: tampons.
“I’m just fed up,” said Hongcastner. “People hear ‘Roar Lion Roar’ and equate it with school spirit and victory over Columbia’s opponents. But people forget that the Columbia administration is an oppressive regime, refusing to provide free tampons and sanitary napkins to students in need.”
Many of Hongcastner’s teammates are supportive of his decision, but do not plan to kneel with their (backup) leader. “Don’t get me wrong, [Columbia President Lee] Bollinger has menstrual blood all over his hands. But “Roar Lion Roar” is meant to be a chant of unity, one that all Columbia students regard as representing everything that makes this school great... like the Hudson valley... and Knickerbockers,” said Jermichael Christenson, backup linebacker for the Lions.
Others felt that while the message was correct, Hongcastner was the wrong person to deliver it. “Look at him, he only has half the X chromosomes needed to be a woman. If someone is going to protest this obscene policy, it should be someone who is fully X chromosomed,” said Ashley Thames, captain of the cheerleading team, who said she plans to squat during ‘Roar Lion Roar” in a show of reluctant half-solidarity.
IN OTHER NEWS
The study found that "no genitalia" also discouraged intercourse.
"Without a trigger warning, we have no way of knowing when a British journalist is about to have his guts spilled out onto the desert floor."
"Past tweets included personal attacks on Washington officials, celebrities, and random citizens from Indiana..."
"I’m sure this news will be met with disappointment."
“Taking flight using only the motion of your penis is really all about confidence."
Gorsuch is the first Fed alumnus to land a job interview.
"Like, although I wasn’t thrilled about it, I got Obamacare because the Cheesecake Factory doesn’t have dental insurance."
Gill has not showed that he is willing to stand up for justice.
Even Neville's toad.