Only two days into NSOP, the Class of 2020 has already zeroed in on a small group of freshmen who could potentially become “That Guy.”
“Right now, there are definitely a few candidates who are sticking out,” Wyatt Grinchell CC ‘20 said. “there’s that one dude who rides a Ripstik everywhere, and there’s that kid who keeps eating his food in a fucking tree.”
“Oh, and I’ve also heard talk of a sleeper candidate,” Grinchell continued, “who apparently repeatedly plays air guitar and sings ‘Love Shack’ by the B-52’s. If the rumors are true, that would truly be something special.”
IN OTHER NEWS
“When my friends reference the song, I just laugh and pretend like I get it."
“I’ve done a lot of research and all the movies show that fat shaming is the most effective way to make those little bastards lose a few pounds.”
"If only Trump and Muslim refugees could sit down at the negotiating table and enjoy a bowl of Pizza Twist Macaroni..."
"I didn’t choose to want to fuck Paul Ryan. It’s just the way I am."
"Governor Reuben won a landslide victory to become the state’s first Toasted-American governor."
The study found that "no genitalia" also discouraged intercourse.
"Without a trigger warning, we have no way of knowing when a British journalist is about to have his guts spilled out onto the desert floor."
"Past tweets included personal attacks on Washington officials, celebrities, and random citizens from Indiana..."