PHILOSOPHY HALL - Following a National Labor Relations Board ruling that granted graduate students the right to unionize, the Graduate Workers at Columbia (GWC) union immediately tackled the largest threat to graduate students' working conditions: undergraduates' obnoxious questions.
GWC battled the deepest bowels of the Columbia administration in hours of grueling talks on Wednesday, winning major concessions.
Under the agreement reached in the negotiations, questions that are transparent ploys to flaunt knowledge of subject matter will promptly result in a failing grade. Additionally, no TA needs to respond to more than five questions per day whose answers can be found directly on the syllabus. Columbia also guaranteed GWC that any undergraduate email containing the word "problematic" will be deleted by a spam filter.
In a surprising demonstration of its clout, GWC even managed to extract an extra lavish perk from the administration. Effective September 6th, any undergraduate who attempts to quibble over a problem set grade will be placed on a publicly available blacklist and barred campus-wide from attending office hours.
According to current rumors, GWC's next fight will be to prohibit students from attempting to seduce TAs unless they are above a 7.
IN OTHER NEWS
The study found that "no genitalia" also discouraged intercourse.
"Without a trigger warning, we have no way of knowing when a British journalist is about to have his guts spilled out onto the desert floor."
"Past tweets included personal attacks on Washington officials, celebrities, and random citizens from Indiana..."
"I’m sure this news will be met with disappointment."
“Taking flight using only the motion of your penis is really all about confidence."
Gorsuch is the first Fed alumnus to land a job interview.
"Like, although I wasn’t thrilled about it, I got Obamacare because the Cheesecake Factory doesn’t have dental insurance."
Gill has not showed that he is willing to stand up for justice.
Even Neville's toad.