Offering a single grunt, Pence stirred unprecedented fervor in the crowd at Wednesday night's Republican National Convention. Pence's long-awaited accompanying shrug was widely hailed as one of the most heartfelt scenes of the convention thus far.
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"In an increasingly interconnected world, we at the Office of Global Programs are hoping that a trip up to Union Theological Seminary or down into Lehman can be reframed as its own rich adventure!"
"I thought it was frankly irresponsible that the tour guide failed to mention even one location in which my son could find himself bucking the wild white pony at 3:15pm on a Wednesday afternoon."
"His previous experience transporting souls across the river Styx to the world of the dead was eye-opening; he is just impeccably qualified to take the reins of our institution’s cherished nursing home.”
"The problem at hand is obviously upbringing, as Manny seems to be totally unaware of the established rules governing my society."
"The freshman is now able to efficiently balance his time between understanding the ethics of Hellenistic culture, and informing all of his recent sexual partners that they should get tested."
"I usually make a point of not opening emails from students. Any response within a month or so just makes them feel entitled, and besides, direct student-faculty conduct is a lawsuit waiting to happen."
I could’ve sworn I heard my RA saying something about stopping by Duane Reade to ‘pick up a few things.’ Who knows what that could mean?”
"I am so disturbed by these recent developments within our school environment that I may transfer to a college where the football team still sucks, like Cornell."
"For now, Gilmore can only wonder and wait, alert for that fateful moment when, four years hence, his sex life will coincidentally blossom following a job offer at Facebook."