“We wanted to be subtle, but tasteful,” said CCSC President Ben Makansi, announcing Student’s Council’s surrender in the once-raging War on Fun. “We felt as though a formal document of surrender à la Appomatox or Versailles would be a bit derivative. Instead, we took it in a new direction: what is the most sarcastically not fun thing we could possibly think of as an event?”
“It was obvious,” added VP Vivek Ramakushtron, “a water pong tournament.”
Most students seemed to believe it was a fitting end to the conflict, which has claimed over three fraternities and a pair of bacchanals. “Tasteful, definitely tasteful,” noted one former ZBT brother, as he benched a brother of the newly-revived ZBT in the gym. Interviewed in their six-bedroom EC townhouse, a group of FIJIS broke down crying. “It’s over, it’s finally over,” they tearfully reassured one another.
Other students were disappointed to hear the water pong tournament was not actually real. “Yeah, it really sucks. Generally, every CCSC event is targeted to non-drinkers, but this seemed like a fun way to participate in a game usually reserved for alcohol consumers,” said Maria Runswithvod, a resident of the substance-free housing floor. In a statement, the gluten-free students organization described water pong as being “for geeds” and noted their annual “South of the Border Tequila Pong Tournament” is still on for the weekend before finals.
Makansi and Ramakushtron expressed remorse that some students may have taken the event seriously. “We feel terrible about it. We really thought having 128 spots for a water pong tournament would make it clear that this was a declaration of surrender rather than a real event. The e-mail even said ‘if you’re not playing, come out and watch!’ I mean, who the f&*k watches a water pong tournament?” said Ramakushtron.