PULITZER - In a brazen attempt to maintain relevance in a world where Jews control the media, Dean Steve Coll has announced the School of Journalism’s plan to allocate all budgetary and teaching resources to the development of an online slideshow titled: “146 Tips and Tricks That Will Make You The Next Pat Buchanan!”
“Here at the J School we’ve been doing our research. And to stay on the forefront of journalism, we’ve made an innovative decision to support what we see as the future,” declared an excited Dean Coll. “We’ve made a 10-part slideshow to explain the school’s decision, and it will BLOW. YOUR. MIND.”
A number of students protested the announcement, fearing that this change would hinder their efforts to avoid ever having to entering the job market.
Other students were more optimistic. “It seems like a great investment in the future, and I applaud Dean Coll’s foresight,” remarked Jerry Ashburn, a first year at the School of Journalism and frequent sharer of Buzzfeed quizzes. “I can’t remember the last time I actually learned something in one my classes, so I’d much rather get my information in the form of single pictures with quippy comments that each take 10 seconds to load.”
In addition to this new, streamlined curriculum, the School of Journalism will also be releasing a series of supplementary “electronic information packets,” including “What Your Eye Color Says About Your Socio-Political Biases” and “Everything You Need To Know About The Death of Print Media.”
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4. Kill the author of this article.
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Kushner can expect a deepening voice, hair growth under his armpits and around his groin, and new feelings of sexual arousal, according to Ben Carson, who was not questioned on the topic but felt compelled to share his knowledge.