PULITZER - In a brazen attempt to maintain relevance in a world where Jews control the media, Dean Steve Coll has announced the School of Journalism’s plan to allocate all budgetary and teaching resources to the development of an online slideshow titled: “146 Tips and Tricks That Will Make You The Next Pat Buchanan!”
“Here at the J School we’ve been doing our research. And to stay on the forefront of journalism, we’ve made an innovative decision to support what we see as the future,” declared an excited Dean Coll. “We’ve made a 10-part slideshow to explain the school’s decision, and it will BLOW. YOUR. MIND.”
A number of students protested the announcement, fearing that this change would hinder their efforts to avoid ever having to entering the job market.
Other students were more optimistic. “It seems like a great investment in the future, and I applaud Dean Coll’s foresight,” remarked Jerry Ashburn, a first year at the School of Journalism and frequent sharer of Buzzfeed quizzes. “I can’t remember the last time I actually learned something in one my classes, so I’d much rather get my information in the form of single pictures with quippy comments that each take 10 seconds to load.”
In addition to this new, streamlined curriculum, the School of Journalism will also be releasing a series of supplementary “electronic information packets,” including “What Your Eye Color Says About Your Socio-Political Biases” and “Everything You Need To Know About The Death of Print Media.”
IN OTHER NEWS
"If only Trump and Muslim refugees could sit down at the negotiating table and enjoy a bowl of Pizza Twist Macaroni..."
"I didn’t choose to want to fuck Paul Ryan. It’s just the way I am."
"Governor Reuben won a landslide victory to become the state’s first Toasted-American governor."
The study found that "no genitalia" also discouraged intercourse.
"Without a trigger warning, we have no way of knowing when a British journalist is about to have his guts spilled out onto the desert floor."
"Past tweets included personal attacks on Washington officials, celebrities, and random citizens from Indiana..."
"I’m sure this news will be met with disappointment."
“Taking flight using only the motion of your penis is really all about confidence."
Gorsuch is the first Fed alumnus to land a job interview.