ENGLEWOOD, NJ – According to multiple reports, Hannah Dimon CC ’17 conned her parents out of an exorbitant sum of money to pay for her art history habit. The scam, which spanned the course of several years, cost her parents over $250,000 and involved Dimon posing for years as a hardworking student.
“We were under the impression that she was striving to get an education that would actually better her future,” her father said. “It just broke my heart when I visited her in that cockroach-infested den on 114th street and realized the kind of life she had been living all along.”
Dimon’s father found her surrounded by all sorts of sordid paraphernalia, including $300 textbooks, Warhol prints, and museum tickets.
“The worst part is that she was so smug, like she had done nothing wrong,” Dimon’s father said. “She swindled us out of a quarter of a million dollars but was unrepentant, insisting she was ‘learning how to learn.’”
After learning about her problem, Dimon’s parents placed her in an intensive rehabilitation program at Columbia’s School of Engineering and Applied Sciences.
IN OTHER NEWS
“Exposing Westchester’s kids to this kind of disease is nothing short of morally repugnant,” said local activist group FreeEdu. “If you want to do justice to teaching America’s colonial past, you should be giving them smallpox instead.”
He’s also eyeing a presidential run.
“At current rates, we can expect it to reach the other side of the street no later than May 2018.”
"JACOB TREMBLAY, from the wonderful film ROOM, is now my son. Polls LOVE him already!"
You wear Goodwill; I wear Canada Goose.
"She came over this break and, I swear to God, was just ripping some of the fattest clouds I'd ever seen."
"What does it mean to be a police officer with thousands of devices installed in your body to assist in fighting crime when you also like dudes?"
"Jesus, no I don't have any comment on what happened in Florida. Can't you see I'm busy here?"