WASHINGTON, D.C. - Returning home from the National Policy Institute's Alt-Right conference on Tuesday, white supremacist and nationally noted asshole Richard Spencer retracted some of his most incendiary remarks. These parts of Spencer's speech garnered national attention after CNN posted a headline crawl touting the debate over whether Jews are human.
"Wait. If Jews aren't people, then who's doing my taxes?" Spencer wondered to a colleague, witnesses said. "Man, if Ari weren't on top of those returns they'd be totally fakakta."
Before boarding his flight back to Montana, Spencer reportedly could be heard explaining: "Listen, I hate the Jews as much as the next guy. But I don't want to be schvitzing about my 401k come April 15th."
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At press time, a similar ceremony is being planned for the namesake of Uris Deli; the infamous New York railroad tycoon, Uris J. Deli.
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