• Home
  • On Campus
  • World
  • Dying Print Media
  • Archives
  • Join the Cult
  • Merchandise
  • Contact Us
Menu

The Federalist

Street Address
City, State, Zip
Phone Number
Columbia's Only Newspaper That Should Be Read

Columbia's only newspaper That Thinks Stress Culture is Culture

The Federalist

  • Home
  • On Campus
  • World
  • Dying Print Media
  • Archives
  • Join the Cult
  • Merchandise
  • Contact Us

"If Jews Aren't People, Then Who's Doing My Taxes?"

November 22, 2016 Ben Greenspan
are-jews-people-618x312.png

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Returning home from the National Policy Institute's Alt-Right conference on Tuesday, white supremacist and nationally noted asshole Richard Spencer retracted some of his most incendiary remarks.  These parts of Spencer's speech garnered national attention after CNN posted a headline crawl touting the debate over whether Jews are human.

"Wait. If Jews aren't people, then who's doing my taxes?" Spencer wondered to a colleague, witnesses said.  "Man, if Ari weren't on top of those returns they'd be totally fakakta."

Before boarding his flight back to Montana, Spencer reportedly could be heard explaining: "Listen, I hate the Jews as much as the next guy. But I don't want to be schvitzing about my 401k come April 15th."



 

IN OTHER NEWS

Home Blog
Striking Grad Student Still Wants You To Do Well on Finals
Apr 26, 2018
Striking Grad Student Still Wants You To Do Well on Finals
Apr 26, 2018

“I care about each and every undergrad in my section.”

Apr 26, 2018
Grad Student Union Reveals Top Demand Is Bi-Weekly Pizza Party
Apr 23, 2018
Grad Student Union Reveals Top Demand Is Bi-Weekly Pizza Party
Apr 23, 2018

“The union representative also strongly urged the purchase of 2-liters of Coca-Cola, Sierra Mist, and Hi-C Tropical Punch for each party.”

Apr 23, 2018
First Starbucks on Great Pacific Garbage Patch Opens Doors
Apr 22, 2018
First Starbucks on Great Pacific Garbage Patch Opens Doors
Apr 22, 2018

“A second location is already being planned atop the heap of Fleetwood Mac CD’s forming 100 yards away.”

Apr 22, 2018
Damn: Super Bats are Back in the Columbia Tunnels, and This Time, They Are Horny
Apr 21, 2018
Damn: Super Bats are Back in the Columbia Tunnels, and This Time, They Are Horny
Apr 21, 2018

“What are we going to do about it? Well, first of all, stay out of the tunnels. We cannot stress enough how horny these Super Bats are.”

Apr 21, 2018
Columbia's [...]
Apr 18, 2018
Columbia's [...]
Apr 18, 2018

A Fed article by Sappho.

Apr 18, 2018
Fall 2018 Courses Updated to Reflect Student Needs After Graduation
Apr 15, 2018
Fall 2018 Courses Updated to Reflect Student Needs After Graduation
Apr 15, 2018

ANTH4001: HE’S GOT YOUR EYES: BASTARD CHILDREN AND BEYOND: Topics covered will include: burner phones, child support, contraceptive methods, and Zoloft.

Apr 15, 2018
Columbia Plans Ceremony to Honor Namesake of Mathematics Building
Apr 14, 2018
Columbia Plans Ceremony to Honor Namesake of Mathematics Building
Apr 14, 2018

At press time, a similar ceremony is being planned for the namesake of Uris Deli; the infamous New York railroad tycoon, Uris J. Deli.

Apr 14, 2018
Shivering, Homeless Debora Spar Wanders Times Square Repeating the Word "Leadership"
Apr 11, 2018
Shivering, Homeless Debora Spar Wanders Times Square Repeating the Word "Leadership"
Apr 11, 2018
Apr 11, 2018
Milano Market Sandwich Maker Fired After Violating Strict "Bald Only" Policy
Apr 10, 2018
Milano Market Sandwich Maker Fired After Violating Strict "Bald Only" Policy
Apr 10, 2018

“The tradition of shiny-headed baldness among our sandwich makers is a long and storied one at Milano Market."

Apr 10, 2018
In World Tags November 2016, Fed
← Barnard Raises Application Fee to First-Born ChildSelfless Student Makes Time in Schedule for Family Vacation to Bermuda →
Summary Block
This is example content. Double-click here and select a page to feature its content. Learn more
Featured
Latest Article

About   ·   Contact Us   ·  Like Us On Facebook