WASHINGTON, D.C. - Returning home from the National Policy Institute's Alt-Right conference on Tuesday, white supremacist and nationally noted asshole Richard Spencer retracted some of his most incendiary remarks. These parts of Spencer's speech garnered national attention after CNN posted a headline crawl touting the debate over whether Jews are human.
"Wait. If Jews aren't people, then who's doing my taxes?" Spencer wondered to a colleague, witnesses said. "Man, if Ari weren't on top of those returns they'd be totally fakakta."
Before boarding his flight back to Montana, Spencer reportedly could be heard explaining: "Listen, I hate the Jews as much as the next guy. But I don't want to be schvitzing about my 401k come April 15th."
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Learn a thing or two from the Fed's wisest.
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"To all the students emailing me to 'talk about the class,' just drop it. I’m not interested."
"Approach the first hot girl you see, taking the shortest path possible—use Dijkstra’s algorithm here if necessary."