Fear rippled through the Columbia community last week after James McShane reported in an email that a student had been robbed of his laptop after leaving it Butler for 9 days.
Daniel Crowder, CC ‘19, says he left the laptop on a table in Butler 209 when he went to the bathroom. And when he returned, a mere 215 hours later, the laptop was gone.
“I usually ask the nearest girl to watch my stuff. But since I knew I wasn’t going to be gone for long, I decided just to leave it unattended.”
Police are on the case, but have yet determined whether the laptop, along with Mr. Crowder’s Calculus I problem sets and Lit Hum notebook, were stolen or were just thrown out.
Other students expressed shock at the state of affairs in the library.
“Is nothing sacred?” said Jesse Han, SEAS ‘19. “If we can’t leave piles of schoolwork in Butler for weeks on end, then what even is the point of the library?
IN OTHER NEWS
“If this is what it takes to mend the racial scars of American society, it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make,” said Greenwood.
“Exposing Westchester’s kids to this kind of disease is nothing short of morally repugnant,” said local activist group FreeEdu. “If you want to do justice to teaching America’s colonial past, you should be giving them smallpox instead.”
He’s also eyeing a presidential run.
“At current rates, we can expect it to reach the other side of the street no later than May 2018.”
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