DODGE GYM - In a contrite move in response to the recently leaked GroupMe messages, the Columbia University wrestling team has announced that it will “no longer allow dirty snitches onto the team.”
“We hope that with this new policy, we will be able to better cultivate an external image of respect,” Columbia Wrestling Coach Adrian Barth stated. “Without the fear of being tattled on, we expect the team to be able to reach new heights in unbiased and unentitled appearance.”
“We also will not be allowing onto the team any gays, students of color, or straight dudes who can’t get their dicks sucked,” Barth added.
With this new policy, the Columbia community has been left wondering whether any of the current members will be allowed back onto the team come spring.
IN OTHER N
“We at The Pokémon Company recognize out unique position as possibly the only organization able to mobilize people around the world to maintain basic functionality of their bodies. In today’s society, Pokémon Literally-Just-Don’t-Kill-Yourself is the only hope of keeping people from ending it all.”
“Every journey starts with fear.”
— Jake Gyllenhaal
The list of cons is topped by, and consists exclusively of, the entrapment of my titties against the wind. Don’t we all deserve to feel that?
Y’all remember when rainbows were for finding pots of gold?
She is distraught that Joey has not responded to her calls for weeks about his care package and that nice girl from Bacchanal.
You can’t be emasculated by this guy. He’s got a ponytail, 1970s aviator glasses, and pink socks under his L. L. Bean boots.
Sixth Floor: PART OF THE COLUMBIA CS CLUB
Seventh Floor: PROFOUND AND EVERLASTING LONELINESS
Eighth Floor: WRITES FOR SPEC
For your reference, a good rule of thumb for networking is that, if Mo Bamba played in the background for 75% of our conversation, I probably don’t intend to strike up a professional relationship.
“Now, the dipshit’s gone and pissed off Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat of the Woods with the Thousand Young,” Core professor Ricardo Hernandez said.