HAMILTON HALL - In an unprecedented show of defiance, Erica Stoneberg CC ‘19 announced to anyone who would listen that she was switching Contemporary Civilization sections during registration this week.
Stoneberg cited various reasons for her big decision. “I felt that my current professor doesn’t allow his students the intellectual freedom that many others do. In fact, he only calls on me around four times each class and cuts me off after about two to seven minutes of speaking.” Stoneberg also stated that she felt her grade was too low on the midterm, only having received a 98 on the essay portion.
“I’m excited for my new professor,” continued Stoneberg. “I read on CULPA that he only gives A’s and A+’s, which is exactly the learning environment I’m looking for.”
IN OTHER NEWS
4. Kill the author of this article.
"Frankly, between seeing you at Thanksgiving, Christmas, and now this, I’m tired of your shit,” Grandma Ester tearfully remarked as she dug the ceremonial meat cleaver into her gnarled forearm.
"I swear, I saw him slide all the way from the top of the library steps down to the bottom right after it rained!"
"Just what I need to deliver an understated, disinterested broadcast."
"I’ve been donning the turban and scepter every Halloween since I was 6 years old, after all, and it’s never brought anything but delight to every one of my friends in Greenwich, Connecticut."
"I did feel like the original ending of instituting a Demilitarized Zone between the Koreas was a total cop out.”
"My audition is coming up, and the fact that you won’t let me run my lines by you while you’re watching TV is a textbook infringement on my right to free speech."
"Jesus, what a tease," exclaimed a still-parched local man.
Kushner can expect a deepening voice, hair growth under his armpits and around his groin, and new feelings of sexual arousal, according to Ben Carson, who was not questioned on the topic but felt compelled to share his knowledge.