Debora Spar, President of Barnard College, announced her resignation today after discovering that the school is not, in fact, a corporation. A transcript of her realization can be found below.
IN OTHER NEWS
"Without a trigger warning, we have no way of knowing when a British journalist is about to have his guts spilled out onto the desert floor."
"There are still some holdouts who experience brief moments of fleeting happiness."
"The New Yorker spells out for me exactly how I should behave and what I should desire."
"Past tweets included personal attacks on Washington officials, celebrities, and random citizens from Indiana..."
"I’m sure this news will be met with disappointment."
“Taking flight using only the motion of your penis is really all about confidence."
"Fitness freaks won’t ever have the determination needed to sustain my BMI."
Look! It's a cloud of buzz words!
"It is not just a pathetic excuse for a meal; it is an affront to the values upheld by our well-nourished Founding Fathers."