NEW YORK - With a generation of coddled students in need of someone to ensure they go to bed on time and pack a snack, colleges like Columbia and Barnard have taken the initiative to offer their students specialized services. As any college will concur, male students typically suffer from mommy-syndrome the most.
With difficult classes and the daunting task of cooking that no man should bear, there is a demand to fill in the everyday role of the adult nanny. Barnard girls have eagerly jumped on the opportunity.
In a joint effort, Barnard Babysitting has extended its services and sitters to the male population of Columbia in need of a motherly figure in their lives. The sitters and students can meet once a sitter responds to a student’s online ad, similar to what one student described as “a tutoring session, but I get fed.” One of Barnard’s esteemed sitters, who chose to remain anonymous due to the high demand for her services, commented, “It’s like motherhood meets Nanny.com.”
Response so far among Columbia boys has been positive, as they can register on Barnard’s separate babysitting page dedicated to male students in need. The students recall their own helicopter parents in ways that bring a nostalgic smile to their faces as they post their urgent need for someone to tuck them in or fold their laundry. As Aaron Schultz CC ’18, remarked, “My sitter has been great. Mom, I mean Liz, really helps me manage my time and always brings the best snacks.”
Come spring semester, Barnard hopes to expand their services to accommodate the needs of all Columbia students who need someone making sure they did their homework.
IN OTHER NEWS
“We realized no grocer in the nation gives customers the choice of whether to bid or buy now, which made us think: ‘Why not let people enter bidding wars for that last dry Lo Mein under the heating lamp?’”
"Not saying I wanted the full sabotage apparatus, but a few measly articles about Obama’s forged birth certificate would have really come in handy when Sarah Palin couldn’t name a single newspaper.”
"If you have the border wall, you already have the two countries. Problem solved."
President Trump discreetly spat gum into his paper, before crumpling it and stuffing it in the Wall.
"Let me bury my secrets deep inside that expensive leather man-bag you keep strapped to your lanky midwestern frame."
"These people don’t speak English and no one here has watched Stranger Things."
"'Bucko’, ‘champ’, ‘squirt’, ‘Ralph Waldo Emerson’ and even ‘slutbag’ have been names used by Mr. Connelly to refer to his son."
"When I finally ran into her standing in sweatpants and a boring green cardigan in front of Butler, she just looked like a mere mortal."