SWEATSHOP ABOVE PINKBERRY – After coming under fire from campus environmental groups, the Columbia Daily Spectator has announced that it will begin recycling its used columnists. “We will be working with EcoReps to develop a sustainable way to dispose of our pre-owned writers,” said Publisher Nick Morton CC ’17. “We acknowledge the waste generated by just throwing them away, and we promise to do better.”
When asked how Spec might go about recycling hundreds of pounds of biomass spoiled by rancid opinions, Morton was optimistic. “We’ll probably sell them to Bwog, which can use them for parts.”
However, if nobody accepts the used columnists, Spec will be forced to continue “just tossing them in the dumpster on 111th.”
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President Trump discreetly spat gum into his paper, before crumpling it and stuffing it in the Wall.
"Let me bury my secrets deep inside that expensive leather man-bag you keep strapped to your lanky midwestern frame."