MORNINGSIDE HEIGHTS - Anarchist Club President Stephen Somerville CC ‘17 wearily resigned from his position after an eight-hour debate with his club inferiors. “I’m a leader in rejecting hierarchical power structures,” he said, before adding: “I mean, I just don’t know how to keep these fuckers organized.” For a while, the club aimed to promote dis-organization through rallies and protests, but unfortunately its lack of a schedule prevented much progress.
“We really needed a good secretary,” said Somerville. “I picked up Excel to keep the club running, but the rigid spreadsheet went against everything I believe in.” While the other political parties on campus found success through careful advertising and meticulous planning, the anarchists’ unquellable rage and refusal to participate in the club fair wasn’t enough to attract followers this year. According to several witnesses, the most promising member “just wants to be left alone.”
The remaining members are now disbanding the club entirely because the prospect of running an election is turning into a bureaucratic nightmare.
IN OTHER NEWS
He’s also eyeing a presidential run.
“At current rates, we can expect it to reach the other side of the street no later than May 2018.”
"JACOB TREMBLAY, from the wonderful film ROOM, is now my son. Polls LOVE him already!"
You wear Goodwill; I wear Canada Goose.
"She came over this break and, I swear to God, was just ripping some of the fattest clouds I'd ever seen."
"What does it mean to be a police officer with thousands of devices installed in your body to assist in fighting crime when you also like dudes?"
"Jesus, no I don't have any comment on what happened in Florida. Can't you see I'm busy here?"
"Jeez, I bet I look pretty ridiculous right about now."