"A notification on my computer, with those 5 accursed words in the subject line: RE: Clery Crime Alert - Robbery. James McShane knew. James McShane did this."
"They’ve even started making sure that new pledges play FIFA, just to correct the mistake that I am."
"I don't know how to explain it. Just looking at the advanced data, I felt really confident that Vladimir Putin was going to be the next President of Russia."
"JACOB TREMBLAY, from the wonderful film ROOM, is now my son. Polls LOVE him already!"
“I WILL NOT LIVE IN MCBAIN, KATHERINE, I DON’T CARE WHERE YOUR BOYFRIEND’S SUITE IS.”
You wear Goodwill; I wear Canada Goose.
"She came over this break and, I swear to God, was just ripping some of the fattest clouds I'd ever seen."
"Hey Dad, it's me - Brian. Would you potentially be free later this week for a coffee chat?"
"What does it mean to be a police officer with thousands of devices installed in your body to assist in fighting crime when you also like dudes?"
"His name is Poncho Firedust, and I need him to feel safe," demanded the 67-year-old chemistry professor.
“Admitting Frank into the undergraduate body goes against this university's principles. That kid fucking sucks.”
In Other News
She is distraught that Joey has not responded to her calls for weeks about his care package and that nice girl from Bacchanal.
You can’t be emasculated by this guy. He’s got a ponytail, 1970s aviator glasses, and pink socks under his L. L. Bean boots.
Sixth Floor: PART OF THE COLUMBIA CS CLUB
Seventh Floor: PROFOUND AND EVERLASTING LONELINESS
Eighth Floor: WRITES FOR SPEC
For your reference, a good rule of thumb for networking is that, if Mo Bamba played in the background for 75% of our conversation, I probably don’t intend to strike up a professional relationship.
“Now, the dipshit’s gone and pissed off Shub-Niggurath, the Black Goat of the Woods with the Thousand Young,” Core professor Ricardo Hernandez said.
In his concluding remarks, Bollinger made a surprising revelation: “I have been notified by my ancestors that all lands previously inhabited by the Lenape people have been granted to me, personally.”
Otis Wofford, CC ’22, expressed his discontent with the decision. “Women, men and gender non-conforming folks being a part of the same institution? The social justice warriors are out of control.”
At first we thought our challenges wouldn’t be insurmountable. We thought that with discipline, resolve, and a heavy dose of hard work, Spec would persevere.
But then came the op-eds.
“I’m told at one point, the quiz registered full attendance while only twelve students were in the room,” police chief Marcellus Johnson explained. “Something had to be done.”
“He just looks so thin and pale in his facestagrams that I knew I had to give him his own mother’s medicine: my famous Latkes!” Marsha said.