Columbia's Only Newspaper That Doesn't Believe In Evolution
HOT OFF THE PRESS
Students are ready to buckle down this school year.
Will it be the kid who rides his Ripstik everywhere, or the one who keeps eating his food in a tree?
"It's a beautiful thing," the Carman 7 custodian says.
Any undergrad who attempts to quibble about problem set grades will be placed on a campus-wide blacklist.
He appears convinced that he will need an actual knowledge of the text.
"We're a brand for douches of all races and creeds, so long as they can pass for white."
America is riding a one-way bus to Flavortown,
He says he "really gets to see how to process works" and is "getting his foot in the door."
The team consistently heads the rankings.
"My real skills lie in delegation."
LATEST ON THE FEED
You might be asking yourself, "How long do I have to touch a boob to be a feminist?"
Would you take a handful?
Emma Berusch's CCSC campaign initially claimed that she "overheated" at the Delta Sig mixer.
"It's rare to find a candidate so clearly qualified for the program."
"She is an emblem of the American Dream for the billions of non-biodegradables who come to this country every year."
"It's just that...I'm pretty average."
"Why don't they just send me this stuff online? Then I could forward it to my parents."
"They should have at least stretched the thing out until primetime."
She barely had time to remind her Lit Hum classmate that he is an "entitled sexist" before slipping out of consciousness.
His jalapeño poppers had to be shoved precariously past the bread basket.
"Lee Bollinger has blood all over his hands."
"If you look back, pounding some brewskis has a pretty consistent record of public service."
A convening of the bros on Columbia's campus has concluded that you can't just walk in here with dat a$$ and not throw them a trigger warning first.
A heart-wrenching account of one student's personal journey this summer.