Dining in tonight? Hey! You deaf son of a bitch! Stay behind the line!!…
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After rows of College Walk trees were torn down last semester, the…
Fran Splant, CC ’29, was recently spotted wearing a sweatshirt with ‘It…
In a bold display of transparency, Columbia University announced that next year’s tuition hike will go directly toward producing more high-quality emails informing students about said tuition hike. The announcement came in…
Dear Mister, I hope you are having a good study session…at the expense of everyone else in this god-forsaken library. YOU, my good sir, are evidently infectious. You are also clearly in…
In a shocking turn of events, President Donald Trump has been spotted at a Washington, D.C. chapter of Young Democratic Socialists of America (YDSA). This came as a surprise to most, as…
We know you guys care a lot about what you put inside your body. That’s why the team at Chef Mike’s is proud to announce a new feature for ordering both through…
Early this morning, a crash in a Cloudflare software system resulted in widespread outages across the Internet, with similar consequences to the Amazon Web Services (AWS) outage last month. Columbia students have…
Okay, I know what you’re thinking: isn’t this a little much? But you guys don’t get it! I’m a SENIOR, alright. I needed my final semester to go perfectly, to lock in…
After the Barnard Wellness Spot announced its “Claytastic! Build-A-Vagina” event this Wednesday, the male Columbia community was quick to erupt in outrage. “This is so fucking unfair,” CC sophomore Richard Johnson told…
Well. This is interesting. I got matched with my professor on Marriage Pact this year. I’m not sure what to do next. Am I supposed to email him? Does he email me?…
Watch out, New York! Democratic socialist Zohran Mamdani has just been elected mayor in a landmark campaign for the Democratic Party. New Yorkers all around the city raise a glass tonight to…
Epic brother Halloweekend plans were tragically disrupted for Alpha Smegma brothers this weekend. Brothers were led to believe by local news reports that there was going to be a huge amount of…
We all heard the hot news on the street last week. Furnald resident Elmer Edwards had worked up the courage to leave his room and do his laundry when he saw it:…
Due to the shocking debt accumulated last fall, and the numerous controversies surrounding the institution, Barnard College announced that they have made the difficult decision to officially shut down all operations by…
